..gratitude has taken over!

I haven’t written for a couple of days now, because I was on a rescue mission. I guess you would have approved, but who knows, right? My brother and I drove 3200 km in 46 hours to save two dogs. As you can imagine, I was a bit tired afterwards, and I still am. But the dogs are fine at least.

Two weeks without you we are already. I must admit that I can’t say I miss you more than I missed you the 3,5 years we didn’t see you or hear from you before. You were just gone, just as you are now. And maybe that was a clever thing to do. We – the fans- shouldn’t remember you as a weak, sick woman who will eventually have to succumb to this illness. You wouldn’t have wanted it, and trust me, we wouldn’t either. I became aware of that suddenly: The way you should be remembered.. striking a pose, celebrating life, celebrating your passion, singing, on stage. I promise I can do that.

The last time I saw you was on Vienna airport after the concert in Vienna in 2015. You weren’t in a good condition, and back then I already said to my friend Patricia, who was travelling with me, that this tour is over now for me, not only the tour, but the whole journey, because I am not able to stand that view, to see you weak. It was painful. And it was my end, our end of a 24 year long journey.

I had some weird encounters by the way. People who don’t understand being a fan also don’t understand my grief, my mourning. They can’t even grab the fact that a person is able to love a human being without knowing them at all or well or a bit. But I guess I knew you a bit. They don’t understand that you can just love someone like that, for what they appear to be, a role model, an idol. And that’s what many of us did. Those are the people I am in contact with the most now. Everyone else lives outside this bubble, outside our world. And it is actually totally pointless to try to explain it to them. I gave up on it.

You will forever remain my number one. Nobody ever will replace you. And that’s one of the many things that will always make you the most special person in my life. That’s something, right?