…it was a bit disrespectful

.. to assume you would live forever. But you know, icons DO LIVE forever. Idols live forever. People in your life, who comfort you for almost 30 years in every situation that life throws at you, have to live forever. However, I knew, somehow, the day would come when life would prove me wrong. Because life and death belong together. I tried to prepare, I tried to get ready. But you, you were the invincible one, THE ONE. And when I thought of you in the past 1,5 years, I always imagined you sitting in your garden, watching the trees and the sun, with this lovely soft smile on your face, enjoying the mild summer wind in your hair, your loved ones around you. No pain, no fear. The pure existence. And in winter, I saw you sitting in your living room, with a fire on, someone telling a story to make you laugh, to make you feel better. I wasn’t ready to accept that you might be in pain, suffering, fighting every day. And I have all those questions in my head that I can’t say out loud, because those questions are not mine to ask, and much worse, I really don’t want to hear the answers to it. I just hope you were in a way relieved to sleep in, that it was actually helping, because I can’t really imagine you succumbing to death just like that. I refuse. And regarding this, I am still in utter denial. It is the one thing that will stay with me for a while. I refuse to think you died just like that. Because you are my ICON, my IDOL, my symbol of invincibility.

Maybe it was time to go. Maybe you wanted to go.

With love