…what’s your status?

Is your energy still up there anywhere? A few days ago I watched a TV show and a guy there said that everyone dies alone, but, if you mean something to someone, if you help someone or loved someone, if even a single person remembers you, then maybe you never really die at all. I couldn’t agree more. As long as there are people on this dying planet who remember who you were, who remember you, you are not dead. Memories stay forever, feelings connected to that memory stay forever.

And suddenly, out of nowhere, you sent us this beautiful message. A recording that’s nothing but a “leftover” in the end, but the text couldn’t be more on fleek! Again! Like it happened with “April Clouds” a few years ago, that happened to become your final song and the words were insanely hitting close to home.

And now when I listen to you singing “let your heart dance with me, I feel that this song was meant to be left out of “Good Karma” to be presented to us now, almost ten months after your death. I start to wonder what others gems you still have in store for us.

Nothing much has changed here, though. At least one of my thoughs each day is saved for you. They come without even trying. You know that you are still missed, right? On some days I worship you for knowing you couldn’t cheat death forever, on other days I worship you for defying death for such a long time, and then, sometimes, I am just incredibly amazed by the strength you had defying death while knowing you couldn’t cheat it forever. You are always there with me, providing strength, hope, faith.

You always have been my island, my safe place. I could hide on my island when I needed to. To rest, to breathe, to feel, to live, laugh and love. There have been a few days of rain on that island, too. But it wouldn’t feel right if there wasn’t, right? Usually the sun would shine, though. I would listen to the ocean, the seagulls and the wind. Nobody would come and pick me up, because they simple weren’t able to. Nobody could reach me there. And the day on the island would be perfect as soon as you started to sing – whatever song. The island is still there, it’s still a safe place, but it also has darkened a lot. Because you stopped singing and I know you will never again. So, when I can’t stand the dark weather on my island, I don’t visit. I refuse to go there, just to keep me safe. And when I got the news that we would be listening to a “new” Roxette single soon, I didn’t feel much. It’s more a feeling of indifference indeed. The worst part of my grieving is over, I am done mourning your loss. But I still miss you, and it still hurts. However, I will definitely let my heart dance with you. Always. Because you were beautiful, incredible and wonderful. You still are.