..nah, he wouldn’t, ergo: we’re safe. Or would he?

I remembered that thought yesterday. The “he” is Per, the “would or wouldn’t” is connected to touring, the “being safe” part is connected to you. I remembered that train of thought in the car, while listening to the Mazarin album. It was 2003 and we were so worried about you. We didn’t know anything about your well-being, how you were doing, where you were, how the odds were. I remember that somebody told me that you probably wouldn’t survive this illness very long, and that your prognosis probably was between 1,5 and 2 years. I refused to accept it, I purely denied it. And I connected my denial to Per Gessle releasing a solo album. He certainly wouldn’t record and release a solo album while you were fighting death, would he? And he most certainly wouldn’t go on a solo tour in Sweden while you were fighting death, would he? No, he wouldn’t. I so wanted to believe it, and I was kind of sad when I found out years later that, yes, he would. Of course he would, because life goes on and on and on.. after all.

But the belief, the thought that he wouldn’t dare to release a catchy summer album with so many great tunes – even one featuring you on backing vocals, it kept me going, it kept me breathing, it made me stop worrying for a few weeks, because I was so sure that you were well. And I, weirdly enough, thank Per Gessle for doing it, for distracting us. While a part of me still thinks that, were I in his position, I just couldn’t do it. I wouldn’t have been able to continue doing the things I was doing all of my life. In my thinking, life would have stopped, and that’s the error: Life never stops. And today I am pretty sure that you loved the album, you loved the tour, you loved På Promenad Genom Stan and you enjoyed the Halmstad concert. That’s what we did until we saw your photo in Aftonbladet or Expressen the other day.

And when Per went on a tour in 2018 and with Gyllene Tider in 2019, I wanted to believe again that he wouldn’t do it if you were fighting death. He would, and it’s good that he did. Again. There’s nobody to blame for anything. Life is life, and we shouldn’t stop living it, because someone close to us is very sick and fighting for their life. It might sound cruel, but I am totally sure that most of the very sick people don’t want us to stop our lives and make the time stop. You certainly wouldn’t.