It’s good that we didn’t know. It’s good that nobody told us. It’s good that we didn’t know what was coming. Not that any of this was any of our business, certainly not, so nobody would have told us anyway. But that’s not my point. I just learned today that ignorance is bliss. Ignorance CAN be bliss. It’s good that we don’t know when THE day is there. Not only our own THE day, but everyone’s THE day. It’s a mercy that most of us can start each day not knowing if it’s the last of everything or a first day of something new or just a regular day to forget. Bliss.
While I am certain that you had an idea of how much time you would have left, and I am sure your loved ones as well, or even clearer maybe than you, but we didn’t. And I am glad we didn’t. And if you knew, and I am just assuming that you weren’t that well anymore, what would any of us do in this state? Time runs through your fingers, you can’t stop it, you can’t seize the days anymore, all you can do is make your peace with IT, with yourself and everyone around you.
It’s a mercy to just drop dead. No overthinking, no regrets, no last goodbye. A life just ends, another one begins. And that’s another great injustice that I feel at the bottom of my heart. Knowing that you don’t have much time left, trying to fill the days with as much life as possible, being aware that this existence comes to an end. It’s unfair, it’s unjust, nobody deserves it.
This morning, devastating news reached me. A man I know went to the doctor with back pain, nothing else. He came back knowing that his body is full with cancer and he only has a few weeks left. There is no treatment that can cure him. He is dying. And he knows it. What did you do with your time? What would I do with my time if I knew that? Expecting excruciating pain, wasting away. I wonder how you did it. But knowing you as the strongest woman I have ever met, I am sure you even met this fate with a victory sign and a smile on your face.